Voldemort's Vacation
by Pepper and Nut
Summary: /Nut/ Everyone's favourite Dark Lord decides that after another Death Eater blunder he needs a vacation. One-Shot.


I honestly don't expect anyone to read this and am writing it out of the boredom that is being grounded  
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one-shot (at least that's all I'm expecting it to be) and review with a little smile. Or a frown. Or even a bewildered stare because I always find them particularly amusing.  
By the by, (who says _that_ anymore) without further ado I give you…

**Voldemort's Vacation!**

It was a dark, dull day with deep grey clouds obscuring the lifeless grey sky. The streets of London where bustling with Muggles, hoping to get their shopping done before the rain started to fall from the fathomless grey skies.

In the Wizarding Alley, Diagon Alley, the day was going very much the same. Budding young wizards and witches scurried along with their parents to crush into the already packed shops.

The day wore on very much the same, people scurrying around, shopkeepers harassing and Mr Ollivander scaring the young Hogwarts students who entered his shop for wands.

That is, until a large BOOM caused the floor to rock and the women and children to shriek whilst the men cried out in high-pitched manly tones of terror.

A horde of pops sounded and several black-cloaked, white-masked people appeared causing shrieks to sound in impossibly high pitches as the wizards and witches fled the area.

You see, the horde of black-cloaked wizards where in fact Death Eaters, followers of the Bane of the Wizarding World, the Dark Lord, Lord Moldyshorts.

Sorry, I mean Lord Voldemort.

This day, Lord Voldemort was leading his horde of Death Eaters to assassinate the ever annoying, bowler-hat wearing Minister Fudge as he went to Madam Malkin's robes for all occasions to ask if he could possibly buy another bowler hat to add to his collection.

His wife had broken his infernal lime green one in a fit of rage after finding out that he'd been having a sordid affair with the president of the 'I Love Bowler Hats Fan Club (I.L.B.H.F.C for short), Dolores Umbridge.

But this stories not about that, so back to the Death Eaters.

The Death Eaters rampaged through Diagon Alley and down to Madam Malkin's with our favourite bumbling duo, Crabbe and Goyle Sr, unfortunately falling into the fresh stock of Armadillo Bile that was being delivered to the Apothecary when the attack had begun.

The Death Eaters stormed into Madam Malkin's to find Minister Fudge at the height of bravery: Hiding behind a young girl of about five with golden pigtails and bright blue eyes.

As they began to cast curses the shop was stormed with Aurors who where, for once, on time to the scene of the crime and immediately arrested the followers of the Dark Lord.

The next day, when Lord Voldemort read the Daily Prophet and found that his most prized Death Eaters had been captured he placed a hand to his reptilian like head and rubbed a hand down his face.

'I need a vacation'

--

By the next day, Voldemort's seventeen suitcases where packed for his holiday and he was happily humming to himself in pleasure of being able to have his much needed vacation.

He walked out the door to his dark, scary headquarters and stuck a bright pink sticky note on the door which simply read.

'Gone on holiday. Don't kill Potter'

And turned and walked to the edge of the wards without a backwards glance, before apparating with a loud pop, as only a light, dainty pop.

--

Appearing at a large, white hotel that stood on the coast of Wales he walked to pristine check-in desk and signed his name whilst ignoring the obvious stares at his nose-less face, ear-less bald head and crimson-eyes.

He headed to his room and unpacked his dozen suitcases of head-shining cream and changing into a pair of luminous yellow shorts with lime green, sky blue and baby pink flowers which made his already white skin appear even paler.

Grabbing his large floppy sunhat along with his very stylish star-shaped red sunglasses he slipped on orange flip flops and headed down to the beach, towel clutched in hand.

--

The next week was spent building sandcastles, swimming in the sea and collecting shells he could use to decorate his bathroom when he got back to his manor.

That and relaxing, of course.

With a good long novel named 'Where's Wally?' and a fancy cocktail with a long curly straw and umbrella protruding out of it, Lord Voldemort had been having the time of his life.

Unfortunately this all had to come to an end.

--

After repacking his seventeen bags with the empty jars of head-shining cream and other essentials before checking out and apparating back to his very large manor.

He walked to the door and took the luminous sticky note off before heading in doors as an owl swooped down onto his arm.

Taking off the Daily Prophet, Voldemort read the Headline 'Alive Pettigrew Kills Potter!' he shrieked in rage before storming to his room.

Maybe his brilliant vacation wasn't so brilliant after all.

_**Fin.**_

I know, it was most likely awful and in parts rather random but I hope you enjoyed it.  
Please review and I'll try and get my other stories posted as soon as possible.

Hn,  
IrishCharm.


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